Soooooooooooo...

Alright so. Guess what? IM DEAD!
I know right? Me. Claudius. Dead.

Well I'll tell you what happened. Everything that I had planned backfired on me. Everything. The poisioned wine? Gertrude drank it and Hamlet forced me to drink it. The poisioned foil? Hamlet used it to kill Laertes and me before he died. Everything that could go wrong, went wrong. The only one left standing was Horatio, and he almost killed himself too! Wow. What a night. You should have been there.

Oh but something good came out of this night. Guess who I met in Hell? POLONIUS!! I know amazing right? We're still tight to this day. And we're going to be raising hell in Hell!

So for the last time ever,
Deuces Blog!

FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!

FIGHT!

Ok so we're taking Ophelia's body out to her grave and Laertes jumps down into her grave, wanting to be buried alive with her. And out of no where, here comes Hamlet. He jumps down and says how he loved Ophelia more than Laertes x40,000. Well Laertes didn't like it, so they start to fight IN THE GRAVE! MAN! What a fight. Gertrude is screaming, dirt is flying up from the grave, people are trying to pull them apart. It was niiiiiiiiice. Then when they we're finally broken apart, Hamlet pretty much says that he would go to hell and back for Ophelia. It got Laertes pissed. So now I'm waiting for a good fencing fight! I can't wait!

Deuces!

Meet me in the Fencing hall, its going down.

OH SNAP! It's goin down! Hamlet and Laertes are going to fence to the death! Only Hamlet doesn't know its to the death. Let me explain. After Laertes barged in, we smoothed things out. We're cool now. And now that Hamlet is coming back because he was captured by pirates, we're going to kill him our selfs.

Laertes is going to challenge Hamlet to a fencing match, and Hamlet being completely oblivious, will not check the swords. Well, we're going to poison Laertes sword and he's going to "accidently" cut Hamlet with his sword. If this fails we're going to have a goblet with poisioned water in it. Hamlet will get awfully thirsty fencing, so if he needs a drink, I'll be right there with the poision. Oh MAN, I cant wait!

Deuces blog!

Just...Ugh.

Ugh. My whole life is going down the tube. I don't know how it got this way. First it starts with Hamlet going bonkers, then the play, and now Polonius is dead. I don't know what to do. I can't punish Hamlet by sending him to jail, the people love him. There would be a riot if I did send him. I'm sending him to England for sure now. And the English king better kill him as I instructed. If not there will be hell to pay. Denmark has kicked their ass in the past and we will do it again if we have to.

Now on to the matter of Ophelia. It seems that seeing the dead body of Polonius has drove her mad. She now sings the most random things, and will not cooperate with anyone. I now fear for her life and the safety of the ones around her. Her brother is on his way from Paris as I speak, and he's probably going to raise hell. Ugh, here they come. The commoners calling for Laerties to be king and off with my head, Yada yada yada. I'll ttyl blog.

Deuces.

HAMLET!

THAT MAN! HE KILLED POLONIUS! MY MAIN MAN POLONIUS! DAMN HIM! We were so tight! We were two wild and crazy guys! I knew something was up when Gertrude came out of her room panting. So I asked "Whats wrong babe?" And she told me everything. She told me how Hamlet is crazy, and how he thought he heard a rat and stabbed the curtains with out looking. Turns out Polonius was back there. Well this is it. This is the last straw. I am fed up with dealing with his craziness and I'm shipping him off to England. They can deal with him there. He is ruining everything I have worked for, and I cant let him continue to do this. So when the sun sets, it's off to England. I've sent his friends Rozencrantz and Guildenstern to get him ready. He is gone this time. For real.

Deuces blog.

Being Watched

Dear Blog,





Have you ever had the feeling that your being watched? I did earlier today.

After learning that Polonius would be spying on Hamlet and his mother, I realized something. I realized that I was sorry about what I did. I now realize that killing my brother for my own personal gain was so horrid that the angles in heaven can smell it. Im just like Cain. My guilt was stronger even than my intentions. But then I realized, so what if my hand is coated with my brother's blood? Isn't our God a merciful one? So I should pray right? But what can I say? Im sorry for my murder? No, no that wont work. Im still basking in the glory of being King. Can I be forgiven but still keep the rewards of killing my brother? You can bribe the fuzz, but you can't bribe God. So what do I do? I prayed thats what i did. Will it help? Probably not. But its the best I can do right now. I should probably pray some more now.

Deuces blog.

DAMN THAT HAMLET

DAMN HIM. What was he thinking? Showing that...that...play! Damn it he knows! I've been caught! He knows that I killed his father. The pantomime was about an old king taking a nap in a garden, and then an assasin killing him with poision. In the ear. Who else does that but me? And then the queen weeped for two seconds, and then married the assasin.

This is the last straw. I gave him a chance to change but I guess he didn't. I'm shipping him off to England before he tries to reveal what I did, or worse, kill me. Im sending Polonius to hide in the Queen's room to see what happens between her and Hamlet. I'll get back to you blog.

Deuces